Toni Braxton revealed in her new memoir, "Unbreak My Heart: A Memoir," that she once had an abortion and at one point, she believed that her son Diezel's autism diagnosis was "god's punishment."
Braxton has two sons, Denim, 12, and Diezel, 11, with ex-husband Keri Lewis. According to E! news, in her memoir, which was released on May 20, the 46-year-old singer writes about making the decision to terminate her pregnancy, "I was suddenly faced with a choice I'd never thought I'd have to make. Amid my major misgivings about abortion, I eventually made the gut-wrenching decision."
She later adds, "In my heart, I believed I had taken a life -- an action that I thought God might one day punish me for...My initial rage was quickly followed by another strong emotion: guilt. I knew I'd taken a life...I believed God's payback was to give my son autism."
Braxton spoke to "Entertainment Tonight" about her book and explained that she decided to terminate her pregnancy because, at the time, she was on the acne medication Accutane. The Food and Drug Administration warned the drug can "cause birth defects, miscarriage, premature births, and death in babies."
She also told the entertainment news outlet, "I felt selfish because I was thinking, I'm going through bankruptcy -- there's things going on with my life and I can't give this kid any future. I was feeling hopeless for no reason, when I look at it now for no reason, what was I thinking?"
Braxton added, "I am not really embarrassed about it, I am more ashamed of myself for doing that because I could've figured something out financially -- that was just an excuse I was making for myself."
During her appearance on "The View" earlier this week she talked about feeling guilty about having the abortion and said, "I'm working on forgiving myself."
The singer is now a spokesperson for Autism Speaks. In her memoir, Braxton also talks about her career, her health struggle with Lupus, her financial woes and bankruptcies.