Matt Damon, Ben Affleck take responsibility for deflate-gate

(Jimmy Kimmel Live)

What happened to the Patriots' balls?

This has become a favorite question to speculate over for football fans and internet trolls alike, ever since the 'deflate-gate' scandal surfaced early last week. Thursday night we finally got an answer from some die-hard (but allegedly well-intentioned) Patriots fans.

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Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, John Krasinski, Chris Evans, Steven Tyler, Eli Roth, Dicky Barrett and Bill Simmons made guest appearances on Jimmy Kimmel Live in order to fess up to their respective reasons for deflating the balls, which they believe may be the root of the scandal.

"I gained access to the locker room, and I squeezed all the footballs wicked hard," confesses one Bostonian.

Other stories involve saving a nephew who had a problem with his lungs, stopping a careening blimp from crashing into the stadium, and trying to squeeze a rumored genie out of the balls.

They are each remorseful and willing to take the fall, proclaiming, "I am the locker room guy."

Of course, each of their stories exonerate their beloved Patriots of any blame.

"Tom Brady had nothing to do with this because he was too busy ... being awesome," Krasinski's character explains.

There is only one way Brady would be responsible, they argue. It wasn't Brady "unless he deflated those footballs with his piercing blue eyes."

Belichick, too, is getting too much heat over the scandal, they say, referencing his press conference in which he tried to explain what happened from a scientific perspective.

"Belichick was my chemistry teacher sophomore year," Affleck's character swears. "He understands this."

At the end, Kimmel takes an opportunity to rag on Damon's acting career by playing off of his statement that he "acted alone."

"Because nobody wants to act with you," he tells Damon, getting in his face, "that's why you acted alone."

There is one thing all Boston natives, real and fictional, seem to be able to agree on, though: "Go Pats!"

Which star's "confession" made you laugh the hardest? Let us know in the comments below.
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