Sibling rivalry lessons can lead to growth in life skills, emotional intelligence, research says

LOS ANGELES (KABC) -- Rivalry between siblings is nothing new, and it can be so exasperating for parents. But the latest research shows if handled correctly, it's an opportunity for positive growth.

When the Luk sisters, 8-year-old Morgan and 13-year-old Brianne, work together, it's harmonious. But when discord hits, it can get rough.

"When I was like 6 or like 8, she cut my face with scissors," Brianne said. In Morgan's defense, she said she was only 3 years old.

It was an accident. The sisters have moved past that, but some arguments persist.

"Like who goes first. Who gets to choose what we're watching," Morgan said.

"She wants to watch a princess movie and I don't want to watch one," said Brianne.

"For the most part, I let them handle it themselves," said their mom, Erin Luk.

She believes some disagreement can be beneficial.

"Having their sibling rivalry, at the end of the day, it teaches them how to be resilient," she said.

Resiliency and problem solving - child and adolescent psychiatrist Dr. Neel Doshi with Kaiser Permanente Orange County says sibling conflict can be constructive.

"It's a great mechanism for kids to learn how to explore the world, explore their own emotions and adapt," he said.

Doshi said the more you learn to navigate emotions with your sibling, the more you're able to raise your emotional intelligence. We're talking about empathy, self-regulation, self-awareness and motivation.

"We're all looking for that as we navigate our workplace and our relationships as adults," Doshi said.

But if there's constant fighting that tends to escalate, then that's when parents need to put their coaching hats on.

"You don't go in and kick the goal for the kids who are playing, but maybe you can offer some advice," he said.

Explain the ground rules of mutual respect and cooperation. Identify the conflict and let each child explain their perspective so they can build understanding. Then have the siblings propose and agree to solutions.

"I definitely think having a younger sister has taught me a lot of patience," said Brianne.

For Morgan, she's learned confidence.

"When people are being mean to me, I just know what to do," Morgan said as she laughed.

Parents can help siblings turn those conflicts into opportunities to grow closer.